92 replies to this topic

[danotaylor]

Last week I posted a comment on 1 of the "funnies page" items posted by Az on Malawi Dreams making known a bit of my past. Az asked me if I would be open to sharing my story of transformation publicly.

Though I am clearly attributing my change to an ongoing encounter with God, this will not be preachy at all but just some of the details of the story about how my life has changed so dramatically. Hopefully I won’t get arrested for going public like this. So here goes;

I won’t go into all the nitty gritty details, but basically, through a series of really painful life experiences, beginning with my best mate shagging my 1st serious girlfriend when I was 18, and reaching a painful point of no return when a child I fathered (and wanted) was aborted when I was 23, I really hit rock bottom. I decided that nobody can be trusted.

I had been a recreational pot smoker, pill (E’s) popper, and speed whacker since I was 18. So out of my rejection & pain I quit my job as a registered nurse, gave up on life, and became heavily involved in the drug scene in Brissy. I smashed IV drugs hard core from 1993-2001.
For those of you who know me, you will know that I am pretty friendly & relational, generally quite positive, & can even be a little persuasive. I used these natural giftings to get alongside some crew who were producing pure amphetamines, and another chap who was bringing up pounds of hydro from SA. I found myself in a place of being able to supply the “needs” of many people, both users and other dealers alike. I really enjoyed the power of that position and I actually convinced myself that I was “needed”, which helped me deal with (crush) my conscience.

I spent the first 4 years of my habit raving, dealing, playing pool, and sleeping about once a week, if that. Usually passing out for a 12-18hr power kip after a blasting nice big 3 point shot…ka-pow, nigh nigh’s. I didn’t really care what was going on in my life. I withdrew from and cut off my family (who had become followers of Jesus when I was 16), and was just carelessly going 100 miles an hour downhill.
By the time I realised I needed (wanted) to get out of this life I had racked up a 17K drug debt, even though I was moving 10-25K of gear most weeks. I wasn’t making any money. With my own habit, and the party crew I was supplying, mostly on tick (idiot!), I was going backwards. While I was still turning over cash for the guys supplying they were happy, but I couldn’t just walk away (and live). I was in way over my head. I was fully stuck.

In 1998, while in a drug fuelled delirium, I was driving my parents car. There was a cassette in the tape deck and for some reason I pushed it in to play. There was a guy singing a song about forgiveness. I had never ever “experienced” any reality other than the heavy, dark reality I was trapped in. For the duration of this song a presence came into the vehicle, completely lifted all the shame and heaviness off my life and actually said to me “this is what it is like to know Me, and received my love and forgiveness.” In the next moment that beautiful presence and feeling of freedom was gone, but it was an unmistakable, crystal clear revelation of something that I was missing out on, and longed for.
It took me the next 3 years of dealing to slowly work off my drug debt. I was depressed and suicidal and hated life, but didn't have the courage to kill myself. During this time I began to see my family a little again. I felt totally loved by them even though I felt like the scum of the earth. I actually felt more loved in this season of my life than I felt when I was a kid growing up. The only thing I could possibly conclude was that the love of God my parents received truly changed them, and gave them a capacity to love me even though I felt way beyond their love.
I decided that if God can radically transform my parents life (formerly alcoholic & highly materialistic), then He can mine also. I made a decision to live for God.

On January the 4th, 2001, I had my last shot of speed. On January the 5th I left Brissy and came to Perth for a fresh start with God. For the last 10 years I have led an unreligious life of total freedom from every addiction & bondage through the saving and transforming love & power of God. I now serve with an international youth missionary organization as a full time volunteer with my wife and 2 kids. God miraculously provides for all of our needs. In 10 years of unsalaried, voluntary service, with over 17 o/s ministry trips, and all of our living expenses, we are debt free.

We have recently pioneered and lead a ministry amongst the poor and needy here in Perth, and spend time sharing with troubled people in correctional facilities. Our heart is to help people get back on their feet, and find their purpose in life.
I do not regret my decision, and there is nothing about my former way of life that appeals to me anymore. That includes my comfortable life before drugs but without God. I can open and shame-free about my faith and share freely without pushing or preaching at people. I have experienced the power of God touching and healing many people since I began my journey with Him.

There is heaps more to say, but I will leave it at that. If you have any questions, or if there is ever anything I can do to help anyone who reads this, please feel free to post here or send me a pm.

Bless ya PCS crew. God seriously does love you all very much! Ask Him.
Danny

[kesaph]

Thanks for sharing. Faith is a healer.

[knock]

fairplay to you danny we all have some skelletons in the closet one way or another, onya for turning it around with your positivity

andy

Edited by knock, 21 February 2011 - 11:10 PM.

[tranced]

wow, nice work. knew i liked you for a reason mate lol

[ado]

Danny,
Thank you for your story. It is wonderful to see how God has worked in your life and turned evil to good.

Your story could be a major insipiration for others who are heading down that same terrible path that you took.

God bless you and your family in your activities within the youth mission.

[tha_krust]

been there ,done that was homeless,drug and alcohol abuser, with an 8 year returning holiday in canningvale prison in the middle,had absolutely nothing, lost everything, everyone, fiancée dies(NON drug related),turned from thug to drug dealer making\selling 11k a day..no family help, no friends......turned 27 and grew a brain. now i have a house ,2 kids, mrs, brand new car, a job that pays $3000 a week, 78 fish tanks....

and i did it by myself..

sorry, bit of resentment still inside me i asked for help from everyone..even god...and do you know how much help i got?....

Edited by tha_krust, 22 February 2011 - 10:36 AM.

[danotaylor]

sorry, bit of resentment still inside me i asked for help from everyone..even god...and do you know how much help i got?....

It's all good mate...I understand completely...I know that type of pain well, and I am sorry that you never got the help you were looking for bro. A major reason why I now do what I do on the streets & in the correctional facilities is to look for & be available for others they don't have to suffer the pain of seeking help and not finding it, or being rejected by people who don't understand.
I am stoked that you have got back onto your feet and are making up for lost years. Isn't it awesome to be a father!!
Good on ya mate & bless ya,
Danny

Edited by danotaylor, 22 February 2011 - 11:45 AM.

[tha_krust]

yeah, its what helped turn me around i guess...so maybe i didnt do it alone after all

[MUZZYBEAR]

Good work Danny,
i have been raised in a Christian family and am still with them, and still with Christ. the thing that i find funny is at a young age (20) you naturally do question religion every now and then, but He always puts you back in your place. just a quick example, im saving to buy a house at the end of the year, and i needed a new clutch in my car. so got quotes, it was going to cost 1400-1700, and in my mind im thinking "why me, You know i cant afford that this year" i dont get any overtime, so no spare money.lol. 2 weeks befor my car was do to go in, i got 11 hours overtime, plus extra work at my second job, was not quite enough, but then when i picked up my car last night they discounted the clutch and cleaned my injectors for 1470. i believe this kinda situation is the Big Man upstairs saying, "i will look after you, dont worry about money, everything is in my hands"

sorry if this was a bit to preachy for some people, just one of my many experiences:)

God Bless,
Joshua Murray

[keenas]

Thanks Danny for sharing you experiences, no wonder you are such a nice bloke Good on ya.

[STEVEGREEN]

thanks for sharing Danny ,Tha_Krust

if you two guy's kept Tangs , i would say you have been truly healed

jjks

looks like you have both found your WHY

cheers
Steve Green

[danotaylor]

thanks to everyone who replied. i appreciate your kind remarks and encouragement. i understand many of you don't believe what I believe in terms of my faith in God, and that's ok...but we all are people of faith after all. you all have faith that what you believe to be true is, as do I. thanks for letting me share. again if anyone ever wants to talk, or needs prayer for anything at all, don't hesitate to ask. i don't want anyone to ever experience what Tha_Crust & I experienced in terms of wanting help and not finding it, or out-right being rejected by people who don't understand. so if that is you, i am available!
bless ya's.
Danny

Steve I did keep tangs (& discus) during my messed up years...not sure what that means in the grand scheme of things ha ha...still have a few front's though...they have been healing to my soul

Edited by danotaylor, 23 February 2011 - 05:30 PM.

[tha_krust]

yeah i still kept 1 tank...but i did hide my drugs n money in it...who would think to look there?

also wanted to say even though its not my cup of tea, its good to hear people out there still have beliefs , morals and faith no matter what it is

oh, and " Discus 4 Life!"

Edited by tha_krust, 23 February 2011 - 11:11 PM.

[Terry]

loosing somebody very dear to me to drugs I feel that all dealers should rot in hell. Thats if there was such a place, some of you believe in these things I dont. If god exists I would call him an arsehole to his face.

[danotaylor]

I am truly sorry for your loss Terry. When I 14 my favourite cousin was killed by a drunk driver. He was 21 and in the prime of his life. A national champion sailor (moths) with his whole life ahead of him. It was very, very painful situation for us a family to come to terms with, but I have found peace about it now.
As a former drug dealer I want to apologise to you personally for what you have suffered. I am not at all proud of my past, and I am sorry if the sharing of my story has brought you pain. Please forgive me?
Danny

[Terry]

My parents split up when I was 3, my 2 brothers and I were raised in catholic orphanages in Melbourne. (No we were not abused) I enjoyed my childhood and thank the christian brothers and nuns for the care and education that they gave me. My 2 sisters were adopted and after reaching adulthood my brothers and I tracked our sisters down, it took 17 years. We became a family and our children are still in touch with one an other. 4 years after finding them one of my sisters was taken by drugs. I will never forgive you or any of your kind.

Edited by Terry, 26 February 2011 - 12:45 AM.

[bigjohnnofish]

loosing somebody very dear to me to drugs I feel that all dealers should rot in hell. Thats if there was such a place, some of you believe in these things I dont. If god exists I would call him an arsehole to his face.

yes i know how it feels to lose friends from drugs/drug related accidents.... but i have one belief... CHOICE... everybody has it one way or another in this country.... and its because people CHOOSE to do drugs that there becomes a demand for them... bit of a catch 22 situation here.... druggies create drug dealers... drug dealers create druggies.... without one the other wouldnt happen...
i dont judge a drug dealer as being the evil criminal that causes all these deaths... he/she is simply supplying a demand that is there... if no-one wanted any drugs - drug dealers would disappear in a very short period of time...

i enjoyed reading your post danny.... im not a believer in god.... but i dont judge someone who does either.... because if your belief makes you a better person and you enjoy life... then your just the same as everybody else... i just dont like people trying to preach to me.... each to their own...

there is something like 170 different documented religions in the world and the majority of them claim their religion is the only true one.... that leaves 169 religions out in the cold and must therefore be a load of mumbo jumbo!!!!
anyone wanna prove which is the real religion and i'll be converted..... lol.......

if i had the time i'd love to post some life stories from a couple friends who made it back from a 10 year heroin addiction that nearly killed them many times over...

[Den]

Condolences, very sorry to hear about peoples loss. Im regularly confronting a family member who is a speed addict trying to get him to go to rehab, one thing that astounds me is the denial, even when I ask him to look at his forearm full of needle holes and his rotting teeth, he still refuses to admit he takes speed, he blatantly denies it. Although I dislike the people who make this drug and deal it, I dont blame them for this persons addiction, its not their fault this person chooses to take it.

"The Drug pusher" is a false steriotype, I suspect created by the American beaurocracy many decades ago in an effort to demonise the dealers in order to get public assistance to dob them in. The average dealer out there doesnt force or push drugs on anyone, its generally a personal choice for people. When pushing occurs its more likely to have come from peer pressure from "friends", I use the term "friends" loosely here.

God

Pain and suffering are used by some to deny God, but can you experience the pleasure of winning a marathon or a gold medal at the olympics without the pain of the run and the training? If you look at pleasure and extacy you will find it is intimately connected to pain and suffering.

Can you love something immortal? any more than a stone? our lack of love sometimes comes from a denial of the end.

If you can get through this 1 hour lecture from Dr William Lane Craig(a great intellect and arguably one of todays best Thiests) you will get a better understanding of why suffering and God can co-exist, and in fact why God cannot exist without the presence of suffering. Start is boring but get to the end its pretty good.

Edited by Den, 26 February 2011 - 10:32 AM.

[fourdapostle]

Freedom of choice was given, and we all have that opportunity to either accpet or reject. To accept drugs or not too. To drive to fast or not too. To choose what we believe to be right or not. That is the freedom we have, and its been won at a cost.
I am sorry Terry for your loss, but to call God an '........' I believe you are way out of line.
However, that is your choice and I believe one day you will be given your chance to tell Him.

[Tarpon]

I don't believe in God, thats my choice.
I also believe that people make the choice whether to take drugs or not. My problem is with the rapidly growing number of children taking drugs. They are not mature enough to make a decision on whether or not to take drugs.
Dano I have met you and you seem like a reasonable person. But you used to deal drugs, and especially for someone who worked in the health industry as you did, this was illegal, immoral and reprehensible. You can publically say sorry here and it may be cathartic for you but don't expect everyone to forgive you. For example if you wanted to get back into nursing and you were honest about your history, you wouldn't stand a chance